Yes, it is true that The Mogambo had another heart attack (the third) and is
now the proud owner of five cardiac stents. What caused this? The health care
system did this to me, as I cannot find a physician who has an actual, real
license to practice medicine who will prescribe a regimen of smoking
cigarettes, drinking too much coffee, eating yummy foods laden with fat and/or
sugar, and saving my strength by getting no exercise except for pounding out
voluminous, rabid hate mail to Congress, the Supreme Court, the United Nations
and various others, all of whom I absolutely despise for one reason or another.
So, abandoned and cast adrift by an uncaring health care system, I was thus
forced to carry on, tragically and heroically, alone. So I
intend to sue the medical cartel for malign neglect and make a bundle in some
undisclosed settlement.
Anyway, that was my original plan, but now I can't seem to find a lawyer who
has an actual, real license to practice law who will even discuss the merits of
my case, and usually they laugh in my face and call me bad names whether they
have a license or not. No wonder people hate lawyers!
And I hadn't even gotten to the point in the discussions where I was going to
ask them to represent me pro bono, which is where the fireworks usually start!
So I have given up that whole legal strategy since it looks like the lawyers
are in league with the doctors and everybody else to make my life miserable,
and am now thinking of suing the Internal Revenue Service instead, because
about this time, while I was doing my taxes, I noticed that on page 21 of the
IRS's "1040 Forms and Instructions 2007" booklet labeled "What's new for 2008",
it clearly says that "The 5% capital gain tax rate is reduced to zero."
Already beset by demons of my deteriorating mental and cardiac capacity, the
idea that the capital gains tax was already 5% and I hadn't even noticed, had
me in a panic! What else wasn't I aware of? I shuddered to think!
So I ran out and accused my wife of every faithlessness and infidelity I could
think of, and she denied most of them, and then I grilled the kids for a few
hours, but I got nothing out of them either. So at least THAT part of my life
is unchanged.
Then, after getting everyone into an uproar by roughly searching their rooms
for incriminating evidence of their treason, I decided that I had better
recheck my facts, to keep from going off half-cocked and, you know, looking
foolish or something.
So I flip to Schedule D of the tax booklet, and of course, referencing all the
accompanying tables and worksheets, I am immediately as confused as always, and
I suddenly remember precisely why I hate the members of the US Congress who
have saddled us with such an embarrassment as the US Tax Code, and how I am
waaAAAaaay behind on sending these losers and halfwit scumbags their fair share
of vicious hate mail.
But it still looks like the capital gains tax rate is still 15% in 2007, so
what in the hell is going on?
And of course, I missed my planned dinner with Chuck Butler of Everbank, which
bummed me out, too.
All in all, it was a bad week. But as bad as things are, there is some good
news, in that Mr Butler has never seen my famous, "Look! There's a UFO in the
parking lot!" trick, where he ends up comically getting stuck with the check
and the only thing he sees in the parking lot is me, running towards my car and
laughing, laughing, laughing.
So, the good news is that I can still pull this little stunt on him in the
future and get a free lunch, in case I ever find out he is going to be in town
again. And so, as Groundskeeper Carl said in the movie Caddie Shack, I got that
going for me!
Like the saying goes; it's an ill wind that doesn't blow somebody some good!
Richard Daughty is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group,
serving the financial and medical communities, and the editor of The Mogambo
Guru economic newsletter - an avocational exercise to heap disrespect on those
who desperately deserve it.
(Republished with permission from
The Daily Reckoning. Copyright 2008, The Daily Reckoning.)
Head
Office: Unit B, 16/F, Li Dong Building, No. 9 Li Yuen Street East,
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