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PYONGYANG
WATCH
Beer leader
By Aidan
Foster-Carter
On-the-spot guidance, as they call
it, has long been a notable aspect of leadership style
in North Korea. Kim Il-sung started it, of course:
traveling the length of the land, and pronouncing on all
and sundry. As supreme leader his word was sacred, even
when his advice was unwise, unfeasible or just plain
wrong. (In old age he got things' or even people's names
wrong, but too bad: they just had to change them.)
His son, shy wallflower that he used to be, was
at first slow to follow in Daddy's footsteps. For years
Kim Jong-il's public appearances were mainly at military
units, no doubt to cement the loyalty of a Korean
People's Army (KPA) at first dubious about having a
pampered civilian foisted on them as supreme commander.
Those trips continue, but in the past year or so the
dear leader has also been taking an interest in the
economy - not before time. Witness his recent inspection
of two of life's fundamentals: beer and toothbrushes.
Yes, really. While my job as a writer is to
precis and paraphrase, sometimes I fear this fails to
capture the authentic flavor of North Korea's own
discourse. Besides, some might suspect me of
deliberately picking out only the weird bits. So here,
in all its glory, is the Korean Central News Agency's
account in its own words, in full:
"PYONGYANG,
June 18 (KCNA) - General Secretary Kim Jong Il provided
field guidance to the newly built Taedonggang brewery
and the toothbrush shop of the Pyongyang daily
necessities factory yesterday. The first leg of his
inspection was the Taedonggang brewery. All the
production processes of the brewery ranging from brewing
to fermentation, packing and forwarding are
computerized. The brewery equipped with the latest
facilities and having a big production capacity was
completed in a matter of a little over one year. Kim
Jong Il praised its builders for their feats, looking
around the structures built on the highest level and the
production processes based on the latest technology.
"Watching good quality beer coming out in an
uninterrupted flow for a long while, he noted with great
pleasure that it has now become possible to supply more
fresh beer to people in all seasons. He set forth
important tasks [to] serve as a guideline in the
management and operation of the brewery. Saying that
what is essential is to keep beer tasty, he noted that
in order to produce Korean variety of best quality beer
with peculiar taste it is necessary to conduct tireless
researches into it and actively introduce advanced
technology into brewing. Underscoring the importance of
sufficiently providing packing things and containers and
taking thorough-going measures for carriage, while
boosting the beer production in order to enable our
people to drink beer regularly, he detailed ways to do
so.
"The next leg of his inspection was the
toothbrush shop of the Pyongyang daily necessities
factory newly equipped with the latest facilities.
Seeing varieties of quality toothbrushes produced to
suit the characteristic features of people of diverse
ages from children to the old, he was greatly pleased to
learn that the issue of toothbrush for the people has
found a perfect solution. Stressing the need to put the
production of toothbrush and toothpaste on a normal
footing as they are indispensable daily necessities, he
took measures to do so. He was accompanied by Kim Il
Chol, minister of the People's Armed Forces, Kim Kuk
Thae and Kim Ki Nam, secretaries of the Central
Committee of the WPK, and other senior officials."
What can one possibly add? A few things. One:
Why on earth was the defense minister in this party?
(Maybe the brewery was giving out free samples.) Two:
Half a century of socialism, and they still haven't
gotten toothbrushes or toothpaste sorted yet? I can
testify to that, having sampled North Korean ginseng
toothpaste. It tasted like soap - if it could be
squeezed out of the tube at all, which was rarely.
Sampling the beer is less unpleasant. I used to
find the local Ryongsong brand palatable enough with
meals - until one night in the Koryo Hotel bar, after an
evening on Kirins, the barman told me I was in North
Korea and should drink Korean. (Yup, in Pyongyang it's
the barman who gives you the order, not vice versa.)
After the smooth Japanese brew, that Ryongsong did taste
rough. But I smiled, and supped.
No doubt
Taedonggang will be an improvement. It should be,
because what KCNA didn't tell us is that the plant is
British. Two years ago, Thomas Hardy Brewing put up the
175-year-old Ushers brewery in Trowbrige, Wiltshire, for
sale. Approached by what they took to be South Koreans,
the Hardy folk were "a bit shocked" to find the buyers
were from the North. Two million US dollars changed
hands, and a North Korean team dismantled Ushers to ship
it lock, stock and, er, barrel to Pyongyang - to make
lager. Sacrilege!
But I'm a real ale man.
Whereas I fear that the dear leader, like most of the
world, equates beer with that insipid stuff whose color
- and taste, some say - so resembles what it ends up as.
Now if Kim Jong-il fancies continuing those "tireless
researches" in Yorkshire, I'd gladly introduce him to
Theakston's Old Peculier, or the ultimate nectar of the
gods: Timothy Taylors Landlord. A couple of pints, and
we'd have all the peninsula's problems sorted in no
time. A deal, comrade? And it's on the house.
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