because of course the town has deteriorated into nothing more than a horror flick. His e-mails are few because his outpost was mortared and he lost computer connection with me. He has to go to the



army side of the city and try to send e-mail from there. I've gotten one e-mail. The marines are not supplying the boys with working satellite phones. Instead they give those, along with money for bribes, to the Iraqis in hopes of obtaining information. So our marines sit there (only 400 patrolling half of Ramadi, a town of 400,000 ... talk about war crimes). This is such a nightmare. If my son survives, he'll be embittered forever ... This is a portion of his angry e-mail ... I found it very disturbing ... please excuse the spelling, he's in a hurry and exhausted when he writes ... his point is to kill the Iraqis before they kill him. Now it's just a race for life. Insane. Her son's verbatim e-mail reads in part:

I was gonna call you but the phone is broken. I hate this place more than anywhere else i've been. I guess is a compilation of all the time I've done overseas fighting. Bullshit fights, its really bringing me down. I can't wait till all this is over ... I'll be the biggest anti-war person this country will have ... at least against this war in Iraq ... Let's go fight a different one somewhere else cause this one is lost. I swear i wish you could spend a week over here ... you would know it's lost. You can't stop "holy warriors", especially in their territory. Tonight we are about to go drop off generators to the enemy (Iraqi civilians) hoping they will give us info about the enemy (bullshit storys). The shit your tax dollars go to would make you puke. You really would puke. I almost do when i think about it ... thomas jefferson would have a heart attack if he saw all the shit goin on today. Oh well. I really hope it changes soon when [George W] Bush is out ... but i doubt it. I thinks its all Gods plan ... he runs the show no matter what. Fate and all that ... its good to trust him. I'll keep the machine gun lubed in hopes of killin em all at the first opportunity for you. I love you ma and i know that no matter what you support me. I hope you don't find this e-mail burdensome. Just hit delete if that's the case.

You can see how the war is destroying my son's morale, and whittling away at his spirit. Now it's just a killing game.

In the early morning, explosions woke me up in this apartment in the center of Baghdad. It was just before 5:30am when I heard four mortars exploding in their very horrendous voices. The Ministry of Health was hit the day before yesterday by not less than five mortars. This was followed by clashes which continued for less than an hour. The fighters were using all kinds of guns, starting with rifles and ending with real heavy weaponry.

Another battle took place here after this. Since we are in a guarded area near a police station and on the fourth floor, I had the advantage of watching this entire battle from my balcony. It was a complete war battle, guns being fired from all directions. All kinds of weapons were used by the militia fighters who are also the "Iraqi security forces", including the American helicopters which were hovering at a low altitude (just for moral support?). As if they are only for monitoring not for fighting! The mortars spread to the morgue area which is exactly behind the ministry.

Iraqi life has changed into some kind of hellish disaster. Sectarian feelings are following us everywhere. Everywhere around Baghdad that you stop at any of the checkpoints, which are spreading all over, the men hold their guns in their hands. I assume each man knows how to use it, but the problem is: Is this guard a Sunni or Shi'ite? You cannot tell. The clashes I've been seeing haven't spared any of the areas in the city, whether they are Sunni or Shi'ite.

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