SEX
IN DEPTH Grrrl power Asia, hear it growl By William Sparrow
BANGKOK - The modern feminist movement faces many challenges. As a product of
Western civilization, it may be little surprise that Asian cultures don't
measure up in terms of women's rights. In fact, in Asia the treatment of women
can be downright deplorable. But, for all the dissatisfaction that their
feminists in the West may feel for their Asian sisters, things might not always
be as they appear. This is, after all, Asia.
Broadly speaking, Asian women are viewed as demure and subservient compared to
women in the West. In many cases this
is true. But the fact that many Asian women aren't complaining, protesting in
the streets or declaring war on the men, seems to be often overlooked.
I am not unmoved by the plight of women in Asia. However, I am also not
entirely pessimistic, although Western feminist would denounce this opinion.
Asian women in many cases are neither demure nor subservient, nor do they
intend to be. Once, while dating an affluent woman from Shanghai, I was stunned
when she attempted to define my future education and employment: she said - in
no uncertain terms - that I would go back to school to get a law degree, and
would then find a job at a prominent law firm. After that, she decided, I would
help support her family and ours - as in the babies we'd apparently be having.
My future was so non-negotiable, that I was soon negotiating my exit from
the relationship.
Mine is just one example, to be sure. In Japan, Korea and China women often
hold a very strong and vocal roles in their relationships; feminist purists
would still find this unacceptable but the women in these cultures hold such
positions in high regard. In such cultures wives often push their husbands
towards unexpected success. Such ambitious women, many of whom now have
high-powered careers themselves, are also not shy when it comes to admonishing
a slacking mate if he fails to reach the appointed goals.
Women in Asia are becoming more and more upwardly mobile. They play a
significant role in the region's expanding middle class and, in return, are
seizing the increased opportunities. Many are becoming successful and
independent in many areas of society, including business, culture and
government. There is always room for improvement, certainly, but things are
moving in the right direction.
Sure, rabid feminists could easily find plenty of examples to illustrate that
these same countries are in Dark Ages of women's rights, and to some extent
they're right. Asia, as it has been for many, many centuries, is still
patriarchal.
However, arguing that feminism is being restrained by a male hold on the
metaphorical leash that is holding women back, as is sometimes claimed in the
West, would be wrong. Some Asian women lack the empowerment or motivation to
push the issue. Some don't know feminism exists.
But many do, and have strong and progressive attitudes towards gender equality.
Take Ui, a 20-something professional working in Southeast Asia. "In my
opinion," said Ui, "feminism is a positive influence in modern society. Women
can do everything the same as men: women work and do everything by themselves
these days. Maybe women can do it better than men in some cases."
Ui, it seems, maintains an enlightened approach, with a dash of apprehension
about male motives. She added: "We don't want men to take advantage us, so in
that aspect we want feminism to help us in society when issues arise."
As for angry feminist protests in the West - the type typified by anti-male
rhetoric ("Use condoms or beat it") and signs about male oppression ("Keep your
laws off my body") and empowerment ("Riots not diets") - she was less
supportive. According to Ui, such actions would upset social order and harmony.
In this regard, it seems Asian feminists have taken a more delicate approach, a
stance that includes recognition for the societal and religious roles of women.
While they don't discount their Western sisters, Asian women are not willing to
challenge established social roles. To women's rights hardliners this would be
condemned, but for more central-thinking activists, it may be worthy of
applause.
Sitting in a local bar this week, I asked the ladies working the bar about
feminism. After the abundant confusion of trying to translate the concept, I
settled on the explanation that men and women are the same - and equal.
I was met with a confused look from a young woman named Joom. She explained,
gently, "Men and women are not same, men have a [penis] and women ..."
Her friend Sorn nodded in profound agreement and both women looked rather
worried about my grasp of gender definitions - like I had flunked health class
or been exposed to too much cross-dressing. I tried to clarify things by
explaining that women's rights means that women don't have to be treated as sex
objects.
Stunned silence was followed by Sorn's argument that "women are sexy and they
want to be, most the time". I insisted that some people believe women shouldn't
be judged solely on their sexiness, nor should they be they be treated based on
how sexy or that women are only for sex.
Intrigued, Joom said, "But you said as 'equals'; women are meant to be sexy.
Men come to the bar that are rich, see me and think I am sexy. Then I am equal,
because suddenly this 'big man' becomes a little boy. I can make him [part with
his] money for a few minutes of pleasure."
"I am more powerful then. If I wasn't sexy, I wouldn't have that power," she
added.
I told them feminists in the West would see them as being exploited for sex:
dolling themselves up in tawdry cosmetics to look attractive for men because
they're stuck in societal roles forced on them by gender.
Sorn was unmoved: "Women are meant to have babies and raise them, that means we
will take care of the home. I don't want a big job. I want to meet a good man
to be my husband, take care of me, have children and I will take care of him."
Joom's mind was elsewhere. "Do women in your country - these 'feminists' -
actually do what you're saying?" she asked. "[They] get angry for men looking
at sexy women? They cut off their hair, don't wear make-up and dress like men?"
"No wonder [foreigners] like Asia so much."
In a way, she's right. I've heard countless men expressed how nice it is to be
somewhere that they can tell a woman that she is "beautiful" or "sexy" and have
it taken as a compliment rather than a lawsuit.
To say that women across Asia are anti-feminist is categorically wrong. More
and more women support equal rights - if not feminism - they yearn for it and
hope the future holds positive change. They just have a different approach from
feminists in the West.
We should all support women's rights. Forget the term "feminism" and the
negativity it conjures up in the modern male mind. These are human rights and
this should never be forgotten. By speaking out, advocating, reporting and
offering support to organizations like The Global Fund for Women and Human
Rights Watch we can hope to bring about the change that women have long
deserved.
William Sparrow has been an occasional
contributor to Asia Times Online and now joins Asia Times Online with a weekly
column. Sparrow is editor in chief of
Asian Sex Gazette and
has reported on sex in Asia for over five years. To contact him send question
or comments to Letters@atimes.com.
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